The 32nd and final Pick of the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

is sponsored by BEIRUT BEER

Time to share the pie Bud Light - the NFL has struck a partnership with Beirut Beer and will be serving it across all venues.

Statement from Schalamar Pussenfruitz, NFL Vendor Director

"We've been looking for another beer to go alongside Bud Light.  Beirut Beer costs us pennies on the dollar compared to Heineken.  It looks similar with green and silver accents.  It starts with a "B", so the beer guy can say "Beirut...Bud Light here!".  It really flows and we are tremendously excited."




The New Orleans Saints select:

Kevin King, CB, Washington

It was between CB and CB for the Saints.  They have a LOT of work to do on defense.  Take the game vs the Giants in 2015 where they won 52-49.  One vastly improved their defense in 2016.  The other went the opposite direction.  If the Saints want to taste playoffs, they will need to hit on the defensive picks.  King is a tall corner who was chosen over Adoree Jackson b/c of Mike Evans and Julio Jones.

The 31st Pick of the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

You can't be serious!

Sure I can.

I mean Cerealiously. The brew made from breakfast cereals. You want a little punch in your Cocoa Puffs? A little bit of hops in your corn pops? Cerealiously has what you need.

The thought of Cinnamon Toast Crunch beer make you gag? What about Sugar cookie toast crunch?

The Atlanta Falcons select

Taco Charlton, DE, Michigan

This pick will sting, not because the Falcons aren't happy with Charlton but because they could have gotten him at 32 and won a Super Bowl. It's a thin line that separates victory from defeat and the Falcons will be reminded of it forever with this pick.

The 30th Pick in the CMC Mock Draft

Pucker up for this sour mixture of hops, barley, tart cranberries and..gose?

Devil's Backbone Cran-Gose is the newest in a wave of disgustingly overpriced sour beers to hit the market because apparently the taste of beer isn't bad enough for some people.

The Pittsburgh Steelers select

Evan Engram, TE, Ole Miss

Word on the street is Ben Roethlisberger has requested the front-office pick up a tight end in the first two rounds. Engram isn't much of a pass blocker but he ran a 4.42 at the combine -- by far the fastest of anyone at the position. The Steelers offense, already a juggernaut when healthy, could get even better this season.

The 29th Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

is sponsored by Badger State Brewing.

Current sales volume is at $23,000 per year and is now being served at Beef o Brady's Unit 875 in Osh Kosh,

BSB CEO Ron Dayne says he thinks the rat poison bottle perception needs to change.



The Green Bay Packers select:

TJ Watt, EDGE, Wisconsin

This pick is all Wiscy - he's a Watt, a former Badger, and now a Packer.  The upside is real for TJ Watt outside the fact he is the baby brother of all-world JJ Watt.  Picture below courtesy of Beef's.

The 28th Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

Sponsored by Hoppy Ending Pale Ale

Although this isn't the last pick in this years draft...it is my last pick so why not go out with a Happy Ending!

The Dallas Cowboys Select Haason Reddick LB Temple
The Cowboys add an undersized but very athletic LB to their D.  Reddick is a Ryan Shazier clone and an instant upgrade to the athleticism on Dallas's D.  With their offense if they can trot out a competitive defense they could be a Super Bowl favorite...once Brady retires.

The 27th Pick of the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

Sponsored by Clown Shoes Tramp Stamp Belgian Style IPA

Not sure why this one exists or why the IPA is specifically Belgian style.  I'm not sure if Tramp Stamps are still a thing but for all you kids that dont know...this is what we had before we had yoga pants.

The Kansas City Chiefs Select Deshone Kizer QB Notre Dame

The Chiefs take a passer of the future to begin grooming Alex Smith's eventual replacement.  Kizer's own coach said he should be in college for a little more seasoning.  This will be a good chance for him to carry a clipboard for a couple of years.

The 26th Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

is sponsored by Ginja Ninja Ginger Beer.  It's the official drink of the Western Montana Flag Football League as just one sip...



...and the feeling translates to this.



The Seattle Seahawks select:

Cam Robinson, OT, Florida State

The Seahawks enjoy this one dropping on their laps.  One of the glaring issues last year is when Russell Wilson was running around trying to make things happen.  He is so talented that he can elevate his game beyond a weak line.  Which goes to say, an overmatched OL will show it's face eventually.  Luke Joeckel is not enough - he's gonna need more protection.

The 25th Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

Apparently Astra Bier makes you want to show your ass?

Yep. Pop open a cold Astra and drop dem draws.

The Houston Texans select:

John Ross, WR, Washington

Tough spot for the Texans as they were expecting one of the top three quarterbacks to be available at this position but the Saints snatching Mahomes at No. 11 shook up the entire foundation. More than likely the Texans will try to get out of the position but if they stick it's time to get another wide out to line up across from DeAndre Hopkins.

The 24th Pick in the CMC Mock Draft

The Raiders, whether they are in Oakland or Las Vegas, don't do anything half ass. That's why their sponsor is a brew suitable for their all-or-nothing fanbase.

Snake Venom? Whatever right. Look closer.

WHOA! 67.5% alcohol content? Holy shit! This is like chugging a full handle of 180 proof. This is straight up fire in the system. And you'll need it after this SHOCKING pick.

The Oakland (soon to be Las Vegas) Raiders select:

Joe Mixon, RB, Oklahoma

The audible gasps can be heard so let's talk football first. The Raiders need a running back and Mixon is a first-round talent, probably a top-10 talent. He's big time. The reason this pick is a shock is the film recently disclosed on Mixon giving a co-ed a vicious one-two and knocking her senseless. A major risk-reward pick here.

The 23rd Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

is sponsored by The Brown Note Brown Ale.

There's nothing like drinking an ice cold beer after a hard day of work and seeing a caricature of a man shitting the britches.  It's Taste bud heaven.

"Taste's GREAT" ~ Father Anthony Chiaccelli, Crestview Catholic

"Wonderful beer to drink" ~ Pastor Ziggy Skader, Rolling Hills Baptist



The New York Giants select:

Zach Cunningham, LB, Vanderbilt

In the 2013 thru 2015 drafts, Giants drafted an OT in either Round 1 or 2.  How's that paid off?  So whaddya do?  You improve on the strength, which is a defense that blossomed in 2016.  Giants have not drafted a LB in round 1 since Carl Banks in 1984.  With double set TE play and HB screens continuing to damage defenses, Cunningham is drafted to quickly recognize run vs pass and make plays.

The 22nd Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

Sponsored by Flying Dog Pearl Necklace Oyster Stout

With subtle hints of saltiness and bleach Flying Dog PNOS is not CMC's favorite libation but there are some out there who consume great quantities of this well crafted beverage.  When last I tried this I found myself very drowsy and fell asleep for a few minutes.

Cheers!

The Miami Dolphins Select Gareon Conley CB Ohio St.

The Dolphins go BPA and Conley is a steal at this pick.  He might be the 2nd best corner in the draft after oft injured teammate Marshon Lattimore.  Conley is a tall corner that can cover you can never have enough of those when you are trying to stop the Patriots offense.

The 21st Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

Sponsored by New England Brewing Company's Gandhi Bot Double IPA

I'm sorry what?  Its Gandhi as a Robot and its a beer?  How stoned were these guys when they came up with this.  Guys...I'm sure it was funny at the time.  CMC Mock Draft would love to put its foot down and demand higher standards but we need sponsorship dollars more than our integrity.

The Detroit Lions Select Derek Barnett DE Tennessee

Barnett one of the premier edge rushers in the draft makes it easier if they lose Ziggy Ansah.  It also gives them a bookend DE to scare the crap out of whatever sweet ginger QB the Chicago Bears roll out there.  There are so many places to go with the Detroit pick as they have big holes all over their roster.

The 20th Pick in the CMC Mock Draft

is sponsored by First Call.

Anybody who knows anything about beer knows Modist puts the best product out there.

First call personifies what every cold press coffee lager offers:  Not a gdamn thing!




The Denver Broncos select:

Garett Bolles, OT, Utah  (Make sure you spell the first name right or he'll f*ck you up)

Broncos started out hot in the 2016 season.  They then fizzled to 9-7 without a playoff berth.  Their offensive line was the shits and it showed in games where the D kept them in it for only so long.  Enter this 25 year old bully mauler who can be instantly plugged in as a blindside QB protector.

**Note** I believe the Giants will trade up for Bolles.

.

The 19th Pick in the CMC Mock Draft

There's no better way to say you love your woman than with a box of chocolates. And if you want to kick up things another notch you're going to take her out for some raw oysters.

But what if you could possibly kill those two birds with one stone WHILE enjoying a beautiful bold stout.

Introducing!

Shuckolate beer, the first ever Chocolate-Oyster stout gives today's lovers the best of both worlds in a liquid form. Be safe kids!

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers select:

David Njoku, TE, Miami

The Bucs have had a nice run of first-round picks from in-state colleges as both Jamieis Winston and Vernon Hargreaves III are established starters. Njoku gives the Bucs a strong pass-catching tight end and some formidable two-tight sets with him and Cameron Brate. The Bucs saw how much Tom Brady and the Patriots love those two tight end sets and they want to emulate.

The 18th Pick in the CMC Mock Draft

I have an appreciation for Sriracha while not completely jumping into the red sauce craze but this is a little much for me.

Bottoms up and you can also season your meatloaf with it!

The Tennessee Titans select

Marlon Humphrey, CB, Alabama

With the Titans already grabbing the top receiver on their board at No. 5 they have plenty of options for a corner at No. 18. Humphrey has the NFL pedigree but he will need to prove that Alabama defensive backs are NFL quality players and not college football scheme fits.

The 17th Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

is sponsored by Big Bad Baptist Imperial Stout.

Seriously, this is the kind of beer peddled at master planned community gatherings.



The Washington Redskins select:

Dalvin Cook, RB, Florida State

This was a tough spot to pick considering there is still top shelf talent remaining in many areas.  Assuming Captain Kirk remains as QB, Washington is adding to their already potent offense.  Seeing how well Zeke did last year for the Cowboys, it's no shock 3 RB's have already been selected.

The 16th Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

Sponsored by all of the fine offerings of Josef Bierbitzch

Despite having a reputation as a misogynist throw back to a former generation Josef Bierbitzch and his sons (Klaus and Heinz) have been outspoken advocates of women's rights insomuch as the Frau remembers her place.  We here at the CMC mock draft do not share Josef's views.

Fun Fact Josef and the guy on the Moretti logo (although they both share a viewpoint on women's rights, fascism, and beer) are not related.

The Baltimore Ravens Select Corey Davis WR Western Michigan

The Ravens need help at WR and Davis falls into their laps. If he is here when the real draft comes they won't hesitate to scoop him up. 

The 15th Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

Sponsored by Cripple Dick Very Strong Ale

There is a rumor out there about Strong Ales and what they might do to male performance.  Whiskey also suffers from the same bad publicity.  I cannot confirm either and as such treat it as an urban legend.  Either way I am sure this is a delicious Ale and any likeness to male genitalia is purely coincidence.

The Indianapolis Colts Select Takkarist McKinley DE UCLA

The Colts need a lot of help on the Defensive side of the ball. McKinley brings immediate upgrades in speed and athleticism. Look for the Colts to keep drafting on the D in he next few rounds. 

The 14th Pick in the CMC Mock Draft

is sponsored by Organic Beer.

Please pay no attention to why the ingredients are in Japanese.  Just trust that it is organic!

(brewed in China)



The Philadelphia Eagles select:

Christian McCaffrey, RB, Stanford

Pre-combine, McCaffrey was slated in the bottom part of Round 1.  It's no surprise now this all-purpose talent is in the top half.  His combine performance spoke volumes as to how quick, fast, shifty, powerful, and soft-handed he is.  All Philly fans remember the contributions Bryan Westbrook made and how easy it made McNabb's life.  Lurie and Co believe this pick can do the same for 2nd year QB gem Carson Wentz.

The 13th Pick in the CMC Mock Draft

Because sometimes you're sitting back in your chair, enjoying and overpriced stout and you want that taste of fresh-out-of-the-oven banana bread.

LUCKY for you there's an ale that makes this happen!

With the 13th pick the Arizona Cardinals select:

Reuben Foster, LB, Alabama

Here comes the run on Alabama players as this is the third one selected in the past five picks. The Cardinals can go with a cornerback OR try to find their next feature wide receiver while Larry Fitzgerald is there to set an example. But they do have an immediate need for an interior 'backer and Foster is the best one in the draft.

The 12th Pick of the CMC Mock Draft

This pick is sponsored by the delightful brew of yesteryear, New York's own Knickerbocker Beer.

I can totally see the hipsters of the South Williamsburg neighborhood in Brooklyn paying $14 a pint for this garbage because it seems cool to drink.

The Cleveland Browns select:

Mitchell Trubisky, QB, North Carolina

That's three quarterbacks gone in the top 12 because regardless of how much we wonder about these guys the facts are it's a quarterback-driven league and Cleveland needs a quarterback for Hue Jackson to work with. Rumor had it that the Browns would take Trubisky at No. 1, instead they get him at 12.

The 11th Pick of the CMC Mock Draft

is sponsored by the international beer tasting 2011 winner - one that stays cold all the time (no cooler required).  It's Nepal's version of the Midnight Sun Panty Peeler.

It's time to...



The New Orleans Saints select:

Patrick Mahomes II, QB, Texas Tech

It's the stunner of the draft, equivalent to Laremy Tunsil's bong slide.  Saints and HC Sean Payton decide now is the time to pull the trigger on Drew Brees replacement.  Could this be a monster reach?  Not for New Orleans, they get another 1st round pick to shore up their all-Sunshine State Conference secondary.

The 10th Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

This pick is sponsored by Midnight Sun Panty Peeler

We here at the CMC Mock Draft don't need to add liquid libations to improve our chances with the ladies..we're strong like that.  But we do appreciate that some out there (including our 2 devoted fans) might like to know that there is help available.

The Buffalo Bills Select OJ Howard TE Alabama

Back to back Crimson Tide weapons go off the board.  The Bills offense will be scary if Howard evolves into the TE he can be.  Big and Fast he will be a receiving TE ala Julius Thomas early in his career.  Will need to bulk up to be a better NFL blocker.

The 9th Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

This pick sponsored by Bud Light Clamato Chelada

An appropriate sponsor for the Bengals first round pick as they are the NFL version of the Bud Light Clamato marriage.   Whoever came up with this at Budweiser...I hope they found some other line of work.

The Cincinnati Bengals Select Jonathan Allen DE Alabama

The core of the Bengals defense is aging.  Some of the old stalwarts are moving on ala Rey Maualuga.  Allen was supposed to be off the board by now.  The only knock on him is he is a bit undersized.  He's played on talented Alabama teams throughout his career and is a great leader.  The Bengals gobble him up at 9.

The 8th Pick of the CMC Mock Draft

is sponsored by BeerLao, the lager of all lagers.  Open one up, prop up your dirty ass feet and unwind.  What's your Mekong Delta?




The Carolina Panthers select:

Solomon Thomas, DE, Stanford

Can an 8th round pick be considered a steal?  Yes, when most pundits peg it as a surefire 2nd overall pick.  With man-child Fournette being already selected, the Panthers get a big time DE in what truly is the consensus best player available.

The 7th Pick of the CMC Mock Draft

Yep...just plain ass beer. If you are a child of the 80s you remember those Generic packages of all kinds of food. It was like a white bag with black lettering and it said "Potato Chips" on it. Just plain ass chips. Well Miller actually brewed "General Generic Beer" (real name). Of course this beer tasted fucking atrocious but if you needed a buzz on the cheap. It was the best available option.

Meanwhile the San Diego Los Angeles Chargers select:

Malik Hooker, S, Ohio State

Easy pick here. The Chargers need a safety and it was going to be Hooker or Adams. Adams was selected at No. 2 and Hooker is still here so Hooker it is.

The 6th Pick of the CMC Mock Draft

National Premium Pale Dry Beer. When you want your brew to taste like the stuff you put in your car's engine block!

The New York Jets select:

DeShaun Watson, QB, Clemson

If the board shakes like this and Solomon Thomas is still out there I would expect the Jets to trade down a few spots and try to get a extra third or fourth for this pick. As it is I expect they will target Watson either way. The Jets have a ton of needs but none is more important than finding that quarterback.

The 5th pick of the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

Tend the farm, milk the cows, read FOX news, search on farmersonly.com and drink REDNECK PRIDE.  It's mid-town Manhattan's biggest selling beer.

The Tennessee Titans select:

Mike Williams, WR, Clemson

Call this a stupid pick all you want.  This guy is a beast.  Take a look at the Titan's current crop of WR's (Rishard Matthews, Kendall Wright, Harry Douglas, Tajae Sharpe).   Titans can still get a bigtime CB in pick #18.

The 4th Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

Sponsored by MIA Brewery's Miami Weiss

I forgive them for stealing a classic line from the underrated movie Euro Trip.

 I give top marks for their authentic Miami Vice artwork on the can.

The Jacksonville Jaguars Select Leonard Fournette RB LSU

Fournette is a beast with some question marks.  Does he have the drive and can he stay healthy?  He's looked like an NFL RB since 8th grade.  The Jags roll the dice and hope he is this years Zeke Elliott.

The 3rd Pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

Sponsored by Vergina Classic Lager

Let's be honest...nevermind.  Its Vergina Beer and that's enough.

The Chicago Bears Select 

Marshon Lattimore CB Ohio St.

The only question with Lattimore is his durability.  He is a freak of an athlete.  He didn't play alot of downs at OSU but if he can be healthy he can lock down a corner spot in Chicago for a long time.  Check out this pic of Lattimore blocking an extra point in High School.  He has vertical than the CMC mock draft team combined.

The 2nd pick of the 2017 CMC Mock Draft...

From the hills of Tennessee to the hills of the Galapagos Islands, master craftsman Jim Bolo coins the phrase so well, he says..."let Endemica take you there, let it be your shining forest in the middle of the chrysanthemum smells of decadent pastimes"

Thank you Jim.

The 49ers select:

Jamal Adams, Safety, LSU

Who is the new GM for Frisco?  It's John Lynch.  He has 100% power on draft decisions, not the coach.  He is going to go with the position he so covets.  Is it related to being one back in his playing days?  Ya gdamn right.

The 1st pick in the 2017 CMC Mock Draft

Finally Draft Day is here!

Let's not waste any time getting to the sponsor of our first pick, from the trails of the West Virginia the Awesome Appalachian Ale company brings it's original, still taste as good as the first day it was brewed in 1911....Introducing the Appalachian Ale's Clean Coal Malt Liquor!

With the number one selection the Cleveland Browns select: 

Myles Garrett, defensive end, Texas A&M

There's going to be a lot of smoke screens thrown up over the next few weeks but Garrett is the number one pick here. He's the guy. He's the one that you can pencil in for double-digit sacks each week. Cleveland needs plenty so this is a good start.