CMC Mock Draft: Pick No. 32

Hey Hey Hey Seahawks fan...smoke weed everyday



And with the 32nd and final pick of the CMC Mock Draft, the Seattle Seahawks select, Dee Ford, DE, Auburn. Pete Carroll loves him some aggressive edge rushers. He picked Bruce Irvin about 60 spots too high, didn't care. Dee Ford is a Pete Carroll type of guy for this Seattle defense.

31st Pick of the CMC Mock Draft

The 31st overall pick is presented by this Broncos fan who sees the glass half full after the Seahawks pasted dat ase in the SB.

The Denver Broncos select:

Demarcus Lawrence, DE, Boise St

When the Broncos offense is in shambles on any given Sunday, they need more defense.  It's not like their defense is terrible, but the way they got manhandled in the SB is singed in their memory.  Lawrence is a late riser going into May 8th 2014!

The 30th Pick in the 2014 CMC Mock Draft

Oh San Fran...you're Jim Harbaugh led teams are some of the manliest teams in the league...but your fans....not so much.

The San Francisco 49ers Select Louis Nix DT Notre Dame

With San Francisco's love of DE's from Missouri (Aldon Smith and Justin Smith) they would love to take Kony Ealy here.  But the obvious pick comes later when they snag Michael Sam and unite the gay community of San Francisco to their cause.  Nix would represent good value at this point in the draft and help make a stout defense even more stout.

CMC Mock Draft Pick #29

Gisele not appreciative of Wes Welker's skillz as it made her a convenient target for celebratory Giant fan.



There's like...NO chance the Patriots make this pick. This draft is too deep and too many teams will be angling to get a bonus first rounder or snag the fallen QB so this pick is likely going to be traded for a 2nd and a 4th or a 2nd this year and one in 2015. However the New England Patriots select Ra'Shede Hageman, DL, Minnesota in a move that gives the team a nice rotational piece in 2014 and a versatile, huge (6-5, 310) inside-outside guy in 2015 and forward for the Patriots 3-4 look.

The 28th Pick of the CMC Mock Draft

Sponsored by this sheikh Panthers jacket - throw on some khaki's and boat shoes and you got one helluva outfit for the ladies in your life.



The Carolina Panthers select:

Marqise Lee, WR, USC

Cam Newton had a very good junior year for the Panthers, but at 12-4, the defense carried this team until the offense sputtered at home vrs the 49ers.  Are they trying to replace Steve Smith - yes and no.  Yes b/c Smith's production meant so much to the organization.  No b/c trying to replace a guy with the same style usually doesn't pan out.  Lee could be the blazer this offense needs.

The 27th Pick in the 2014 CMC Mock Draft

The Saints always sucked...always.  Even when they had a little bit of talent they were hapless.  Then Drew Brees came and the brown bag guy went out of business

The New Orleans Saints Select Bradley Roby CB Ohio St. 
Roby is the best player available at this point in the draft.  With pass happy offenses coming into the Dome trying to keep up with Drew Brees the Saints cant have enough good corners.  Roby will team up with Malcolm Jenkins in the NO secondary to give it a Buckeye flavor.  Roby is a Georgia kid so he should be pumped to be heading back south.

CMC Mock Draft: Pick No. 26

Before the current shitty edition of the Browns, the franchise used to have a great history. Unfortunately things didn't end well.



And with the 26th pick in the CMC Mock Draft the Browns have selected Teddy Bridgewater, QB, Louisville. He's still the best quarterback in this draft and be making a small risk the Browns got Sammy Watkins as part of the deal. Maybe they will finally reach that 7-win plateau this year!

25th Pick in the CMC Mock Draft

With the 25th overall pick, here is a video showing a once promising QB's love for the game.  The Chargers got their man to bring the franchise to the promised land.

Leaf has since been on a healthy diet of veggies and oxycodone.

The San Diego Chargers select:

Xavier Su'a Filo, OG, UCLA

The Bolts defense is very weak, so why not draft a Verrett or Roby?  Well that's b/c Su'a Filo is a higher on their board and is going to help protect their most prized asset in Felipe Rios (Philip Rivers).

The 24th Pick in the 2014 CMC Mock Draft

For a franchise as inept as the Bengals...drafting David Klingler might be the all time low.  I am 39 years old and the Bengals last playoff win I was a freshmen in High School...just trying to get a feel of a big hairy bush

The Bengals Select Kyle Fuller CB Virginia Tech

The Bengals...for whatever reason, have done very well with their first round CB's in the last ten years.  See also Jonathan Joseph and Leon Hall.  Terrance Newman and Pacman Jones are too old to be counted on and their depth after Hall is not deep.  The Bengals would also take a long look at Bradley Roby from Ohio St. here.

CMC Mock Draft: Pick #23

Yay, fuck Matt Cassel...Chief fans hope he dies.



Oh well, he can sleep on a bed of money.

With the 23rd pick in the CMC Draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select Brandin Cooks, WR, Oregon State. This is a total Andy Reid pick to bring the offense more explosion and more points. You'd think they would try to repair that defense that blew a 28-point lead to Indianapolis in the playoffs but whatever.

The 22nd pick of the CMC Mock Draft

The 22nd overall pick is sponsored by this crazy Eagles fan who is on a sweet cocktail mix of Generic Prozac and Miller High Life Genuine Draft:

The Philadelphia Eagles select:

Kony Ealy, DE/LB, Missouri

Outside of Trent Cole, who do the birds have as an edge pass rusher?  They have Ealy now who figures to get playing time sooner rather than later.  Aldon Smith and Sheldon Richardson are some great examples of fine pass rushers coming out of Missouri - now Ealy could be another one (Blue Schlitz hopes he is another Brandon Graham instead).  Interestingly enough, Brandin Cooks would have been a replacement for DeSean Jackson - so this could be a miss.

The 21st pick in the CMC Mock Draft

Someone isn't a fan of Dom Capers...or his white t-shirt.



With the 21st pick the Green Bay Packers select Ryan Shazier, LB, Ohio State. Shazier can cover and he can make plays sideline to sideline. A nice pairing with him and A.J. Hawk at the position. He'll bring a little more athleticism than Hawk does as well.

The 20th Pick of the 2104 CMC Mock Draft

Nothing good has ever happened to the Arizona Cardinals in real life...nothing. Rod Tidwell is their shining light...and its fiction...old fiction.

The Arizona Cardinals SELECT Derek Carr QB Fresno St.

Carr is going to suck like his older brother.  But then again...what are the Arizona Cardinals without bad QB play.

CMC Mock Draft: Pick #19

The 19th overall pick is dedicated to one of the "Good Fellas" of the NFL who used to represent the Miami Dolphins.  A worldly class-act who would never belittle or bully a fellow teammate.  A guy who would never take a shit on your bed at training camp, Lil' Richie "Golden Boy" Incognito:

The Miami Dolphins select:

Zack Martin, OT, Notre Dame

An easy pick for all mock drafters, Martin's versatility as a plug-n-play asset who can play both OT and Guard makes him too valuable to pass up.  Also, he's athletic, smart and one of the cleanest prospects in this draft - something the Dolphin's have to take into consideration thanks to massive douchebag* Richie Incognito.

Bibliography

*massive douchebag:  Ohio Ice 2014

CMC Mock Draft: Pick #18

Look it's a Jets fan that says fuck a lot. Isn't that nice.




With the 18th pick overall the Jets select Calvin Pryor, S, Louisville. If the draft goes like this the Jets are looking at a few guys like Pryor, Kyle Fuller, Brandin Cooks and Cody Latimer. Pryor is a great scheme fit because Rex loves those physical, thumping safeties and Pryor is a young, energetic football player that wants to bring the pain.

The 17th Pick in the 2014 CMC Mock Draft

From the city that brought you the wire I give you Baltimore Fans.  BTW the wire was awesome.

The Baltimore Ravens Select Taylor Lewan OT Michigan 

Lewan is a steal here but its hard to overlook the fact that he is a massive douchebag.  Threatening girls that were "allegedly" raped by your kicker, Punching fans from other teams at bars, cheapshots to every one on the Michigan St football team after the whistle,or losing every single big game in your career.  Either way...he is a good football player so the Ravens will take him.

CMC Mock Draft: Pick 16

Finding a pissed of Dallas Cowboys is like shooting fish in a barrel...of fish.


Stupid ass Romo.

Anyway with the 16th pick overall Dallas Cowboys select Ha'Ha Clinton-Dix, S, Alabama. A clear value pick here as Clinton-Dix sliding to the middle of the draft fills a major need for the Cowboys and gives them arguably the best secondary player in the draft this year.

The 15th Pick of the CMC Mock Draft

The 15th overall pick is sponsored by ex Pittsburgh Steeler RB, Lee Harvey Oswald.



The Pittsburgh Steelers select:

Darqueze Dennard, CB, Michigan St

This guy looks like a Pittsburgh Steeler.  With the Steelers defense continuing to age, Dennard comes in as an aggressive corner off the snap who can engage WR's within the 5 yard perimeter.  It remains to be seen how much of a cover corner he will be.  To say someone is a pure shutdown corner is almost unfair considering all of the advantages given to today's wide receiver in the NFL.

The 14th Pick in the 2014 CMC Mock Draft

The Bears still suck.  For having two beast wide receivers, a great RB, and a solid D...they kinda do suck.

The Chicago Bears Select CJ Mosley LB Alabama 

Mosley oozes potential...but these Alabama kids seem to be boom or bust picks (Dee Milliner anyone).  Mosley just sounds like a Bears LB last name.  Could he replace all the Urlacher and Briggs jerseys at Soldier Field? They better hope so.  That D that was so stout and stacked with big names suddenly has a no name defense thing going on.

CMC Mock Draft: 13th Pick

This pick is sponsored by two Rams fan willing to kill themselves over a shoe.



With the 13th pick in the CMC Draft, the St. Louis Rams select Odell Beckham Jr., WR, LSU. With Anthony Barr gone it's going to be a reach to take another linebacker to finalize their front seven. Beckham really rounds out a nice ground of receivers. St. Louis has a solid young team and just needs to keep Bradford healthy.

The 12th Pick of the CMC Mock Draft.

The 12th overall pick is indebted to the 115th ranked best NY Giants defensive lineman of all-time, William Joseph (just underneath Leger Douzable who is #114th)



Willie Joe was one of the worst first round pick's ever for Big Blue and his presence in this selection is solely meant to create a reverse jinx into this selection:

The New York Giants select:

Aaron Donald, DT, Pittsburgh

One or three looks at the tape and you see an incredible burst once the QB snaps the ball.  He may be diminutive in stature, yet he might be the next Barry Sanders of interior D-linemen.  Since losing Linval Joseph to free agency, this may be an upgrade - as weird as that sounds.  The Giants stick to their spine and continue to load up on the D-line on Day 1/Day 2 of the draft.

The 11th Pick of the 2014 CMC Mock Draft

Please enjoy the attached pump up video for the Tennessee Titans upcoming seasons.  I dont know about you but I cant wait to see the garbage that the Titans trot out this year without Chris Johnson or a QB that is worth a shite.

The Tennessee Titans Select Anthony Barr LB UCLA

This kid is a beast.  Too bad the Titans are in the crapper for the next 3-5 years without an offensive identity.  Name one weapon on the Titans squad.  If you said Marc Mariani you are a douchebag.

CMC Mock Draft: Pick #10

Ahh the life of a Detroit Lions fan. Must be great. Always angry.




And with the 10th selection the Detroit Lions select Justin Gilbert, CB, Oklahoma State. I actually think this is a prime spot for a trade because a team that wants a top receiver or quarterback will try to move here while the Lions, who need secondary help, can find plenty of options later in the first round.

CMC Mock Draft: 9th Selection

The 9th overall pick in the 2014 CMC Mock Draft is brought to you by the human pogo stick, Buffalo alumnus Don Beebe.

The Buffalo Bills select:

Eric Ebron, TE, UNC

Let's face it, Taylor Lewan was available.  Yet, the way Buffalo looks at it is Ebron is too g'damn good to pass up.  O-Linemen like Morgan Moses, Su'a-Filo, Yankey, Bitonio, or Kouandjio could be available on their next pick to protect Manuel - so all is well.  Ebron is probably not the fit for Buffalo since Buffalo is a running team, yet we all know how important the tall and athletic TE's are now in the league.

The 8th Pick in the 2014 CMC Mock Draft

The only way the Vikings and/or Josh Freeman are going to ever going to sniff a Lombardi Trophy is in EA Sports land.  This franchise has literally squandered the ultimate offensive weapon Adrian Peterson.  Can you imagine how well any team in the league would have done the last five years with this guy (except the Raiders/Browns of course).

The Vikings Select Blake Bortles QB UCF

Drafting QB's from Florida in the first round has worked out so well for the Vikings this year.  Could Bortles be better than Ponder?  He better be.  Dont worry by the time he comes around Peterson's knee will be petrified and Cordarelle Patterson will be past his rookie contract and on to a big money payday.

CMC 2014 Draft: 7th Pick

These guys represent what I think of the majority of Tampa Bay Bucs fans




With the 7th selection in the CMC Draft the Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Mike Evans, WR, Texas A&M. With no chance of getting Watkins or Mack it's either Evans or a quarterback. However once Manziel goes off the board I think the thought process goes back to who can contribute immediately and the 6'5 Evans is a nice big target across from Vincent Jackson.

CMC Mock Draft: Pick Six

The 6th overall pick, brought to you by everybody's favorite Atlanta Falcon, Jeff George, and his sexy rat tails:



The Atlanta Falcons select:

Jake Matthews, OT, Texas A&M

Easy selection here considering Matt Ryan (never liked Matty Ice, doesn't have that ring to it like Ohio Ice) had about 4 seconds less time in the pocket in 2013.  Even with a stud bloodline in Matthews, Ryan will continue to be an overrated pocket passer, just like Mr. Jeff George.

The 5th Pick in the 2014 CMC Mock Draft

When David Faustino reps your squad then you know you are legit.  Everyone is shocked to see the Raiders with a top 5 pick. Honestly, they could have picks 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 every year and they would still suck.


The Raiders Select  Khalil Mack DE Buffalo
Mack is a beast. Too bad he has to gotta Oakland. This guy owned Ohio St. in the biggest game of his career. Moving and fast. He is a throwback to the old school Intimidating Raiders.

2014 CMC Mock Draft: Pick 4

The fourth pick in the CMC Mock Draft is sponsored by these Browns fans beating the shit out of a Broncos fan.



Looks like the guy in the Brady Quinn jersey was joined by the two guys in Josh Cribbs jersey and the guy with the Brian Sipe jersey came in late. And who is #34?

The Cleveland Browns select Sammy Watkins, WR, Clemson

With Manziel off the board Cleveland will look to No. 26 or their second round selection to fill the need at quarterback. Watkins is the most exciting offensive talent in the draft and pairing him with Josh Gordon gives the Browns a nice 1-2 punch at receiver.

2014 CMC Mock Draft: Pick 3

With the 3rd overall pick, sponsored by the award-winning 2012 Jaguar slogan which helped propel JAX to a 2-14 season:




The Jacksonville Jaguars select:

Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A&M

When Cecil Shorts was your highest grossing jersey, something is terribly wrong.  The Jags need excitement and a new a face to the franchise.  Gabbert couldn't be the face of a local Hardee's franchise.  To pass up on Manziel's talent would be seriously stupid.  He is the best QB on the board in today's NFL.

2014 CMC Mock Draft: Pick 2

With the 2nd overall pick in the 2014 CMC mock draft the St. Louis Rams select:

Greg Robinson OT Auburn 

The piss poor Rams draft another offensive lineman. They have a lot of holes to fill on the offense but Robinson looks like a rare talent. Too bad they have so few weapons.  Am I the only
one that realizes the Sam Bradford sucks?

2014 CMC Mock Draft: The First Pick

The first pick of the CMC Mock Draft is sponsored by Brian Cushing and J.J. Watt doing ridiculous tricep burnout reps.



Fuck That.

The Houston Texans select: Jadeveon Clowney, DE, South Carolina

After much consideration there are plenty of players that are worthy of being drafted high but Clowney is truly the only bonafide No. 1 overall type guy in this draft. Is he a total fit for what the Texans do on defense right now at this very minute. Not really. But with his sort of upside and talent you just figure out a way to make it work. And if it does the Clowney/Watt tandem could rival any group of ends over the past 30 years.